The Voice of the Thinking Man - 10/15
Bushwhack your way through the impenetrable jungles of minor inconveniences! If you pour your creamer into your mug before your coffee you won’t have to wash a spoon! Label the inside corners of your fitted sheets so you never have to put it on the wrong way! Label the top side of your USB drives and the bottoms of your own feet while you’re at it, this is serious business. These are life hacks.
I’ve been spending my time worrying about time. Which is… less than ideal. More than anything I worry about the empty promise of saving time. It makes about as much sense as thinking I’m saving gravity if I sit on the couch. I don’t need to take the small enjoyable moments out of my day to magically fabricate fifteen minutes at the end of it - I need to retire and take all of it all to use at my own discretion. Meanwhile, I’m happy that time passes, and I’m happy that one day mine will be run out.
I think the idea of the life hack sells you the greatest lie: that the little everyday things you do are not worth your time. That you taking care of yourself and taking care of your life is not worth your attention. That your attention is better spent on a dream someone else wants to sell you. In a world where milliseconds of your attention can be hyper-monetized by every screen and surface, it clearly is the most valuable thing in the world, imagine how powerful it could be if you use it on yourself and the people you love. Think about how much corporations are fighting for it, think about how much you are worth.
I like to wash the dishes and vacuum my floor and run to the store for something I’m out of and come home and swear because I realize I’ve gotten everything else other than the one thing I needed, and I do it all over again. I enjoy the petty war against my own stupidity and my occasional triumph over it. Which is probably why I do not change.
I also don’t want to feel like my creative output peaked as a baby when I filled my diaper and everybody cheered. It’s these moments of quiet self reflection that I realize maybe it did. The life hack does not make you better, it lies to you and tells you that you are not good enough as you are. I got a hack for you right now, too busy to clean the bathroom? Just pee the poop off. See. Gross physically and metaphysically.
I think it is right and good to take the scenic route when it feels right. To lose yourself fully and eat a pizza crunch at 3 am with your best friend because this messy and perfect moment of your life is happening right now. And will again. And again. Forever. Tomorrow is coming and you will be exactly who you are right now. There is no rubicon to cross, no perfect self to become, only a chance to play in the river once in a while. Maybe I can see past the mess and chase after the me I want to become. I can hear peels of hope ring in the quiet moments where I’m wasting my time wondering about nothing at all in particular. Just taking the pieces of an old dream and putting them back together.
I invent little ways to make my life more challenging, I suppose I feel like my own zookeeper in this way; I know the monkey needs to fling his own poo at something once and a while so I might as well build him a target that’s easy to clean. Stop buying and start doing, so on and so on. Make your life harder - you know in normal ways that won’t kill you and are within reason, keep all your fingers and toes if you still have ‘em, for example - pour the coffee in first then splash in a little whipping cream. Stir it in and make tiny vortexes in the liquid. Use two spoons if you can. Luxuriate in the drink and the cleaning up. Learn to paint and cook from scratch, and remember first to invent the universe. Read a book for once in your miserable life and get your screen time down to zero. I don’t want to hack my life to pieces so I can gulp it down faster, I think I’m not trying to save time so much as accept that it’s passing and savor it, not unlike it’s a popcorn kernel I finally pried out after hours of wiggling - I’m fully engaged in the moment and satisfied with a job well done.
